The world is full of stupid people....

What happens when you take an Texan biker, and put him behind a tech support number?

You get tales of idiocy, or course...

great call of the nite: a guy answers and i hear WAP WAP WAP WAP "Bitch GET OFF ME!" then the phone hits the floor and i hear multiple solid slaps and a chick squalling in the background "that hurt bastard im calling the cops on your stinkin ass"
then the guy comes back to the phone panting like hes run the 100 yard dash.."sir may i help you?" "Yea come kill my bitch ass wife before i do"
posted by Hack Saw at 9:23 AM- Discuss this post-

great morale here...guy in the cube next to me has a big newspaper clipping stuck up inside his "Technician Massacres 8 Co-Workers " complete with photos...others have tons of toys in their cubes...gun replicas are popular as well as bloody violent tableaus made with action figures dismembering one another:) lol give us a call we are here to help
posted by Hack Saw at 1:58 PM- Discuss this post-

mac users are a lower lifeform...half of em that call cant even run their own os and have to ask me where files are and what commands are and how they work...several were unable to tell me how they got email or what os version they were using...like how can u get email and NOT know how you read it?
posted by Hack Saw at 1:41 PM- Discuss this post-

where i work we get free coffee outta coffee machines...they are regular machines likeya see at any business cept we dont pay for it..the coffees free...today a guy in front of me gets his and looks at it deeply...its full of grounds...wait..no its ANTS...yes insects..now i knew the coffee sucked pretty bad before but this is stretching the envelope of sucking into another realm entirely..so i shut up and watched a coupla other guys get theirs and walk off drinking it obliviously
posted by Hack Saw at 11:48 PM- Discuss this post-

Believe it or not...we get customer feedback via email surveys...usually with the techs name on it...2 of mine went as follows:
"Give this guy a raise and a promotion" and "he didnt help me at all but it was the most entertaining 20 minutes i have ever spend getting help..where do you find these people?"
posted by Hack Saw at 11:40 PM- Discuss this post-

so..on the way to work i have a blowout at 80mph in dallas traffic...perhaps the most insane place to pilot a vehicle in the usa..after changing a tire i arrive at work in a fine mood ready to assist john q public in their never ending quest to stay connected.
at maybe 9 am a guys calls in from tampa...blatently drunk and determined to convince me that he has 2 ip addresses and his 2nd pc wont connect...he has one..is lying..and thinks we will troubleshoot his fubar network he has setup on a router with connection sharing software "sir you do not have 2 ips, and have not purchased the home networking package..therefore we cant troubleshoot your problem" hes slurring already and says we are fulla shit he does too have a multiple ip package...im like "sir not only is it not in your billing..but i can see the mac address of your nic card and you ARE connected..maybe you better call the manufacturer of your router or sygate..cause we cant help you with this" so he replys "maybe i oughta cap your punk ass know-it-all cause i do have other ips there must be some mistake im novell certified" so i let im know "umm you realize A: these threats are all recorded B: im looking at your current billing info for ONE ip and C: your user agreement allows you to be disconnected for being abusive to support personel?" exactly what gumball machine issued your novell certificate and why are you running windows 95 and what does novell have to do with it?
posted by Hack Saw at 11:35 PM- Discuss this post-

moron customer apparently can't navigate the phone menu, she gets me..and wants her cable tv fixed..when i explain we don't do that..its for internet only...she loses what appears to be a fragile grip on sanity and begins to scream for a supervisor...dispite me telling her there is NO ONE here that can help her with her problem...amused.. i call a supervisor who has me put her on speaker and several of us gather around and listen to her rant while we have a break with coffee and donuts
posted by Hack Saw at 10:20 AM- Discuss this post-

damn near the entire state of california went out the other day..at once...the phones went nuclear and were redlined for near 12 hrs with some people on hold for over 3 hours...obviously they were pissed off to an extreme degree when they finally got a tech..i have to ask..would you wait on hold for 3 hours for ANYTHING? a commentary on internet addiction if ya ask me..cause after 3 hours i tell em "we are down and have no idea when it will be fixed..thanks for calling:)"
posted by Hack Saw at 10:10 AM- Discuss this post-

weird shit today...a woman calls up and says she went to some page and it loaded a spiral...a hypnotic pattern that spins around and around...and she cant make it stop...i had her reboot..it came back..i reset her homepage,emptied her cache and cookies and it came back anyway...we COULD NOT get rid of it...dunno if its a virus or her OS is hosed...but wish i had the url so i could send a few other customers there hehe
posted by Hack Saw at 10:05 AM- Discuss this post-