The world is full of stupid people....

What happens when you take an Texan biker, and put him behind a tech support number?

You get tales of idiocy, or course...

yesterday an old guy in atlanta called with email trouble...server was down so he was irate...12 hrs without email he said..and as i finished the call he told me to "watch out..some day he would come down with an UZI and shoot us ALL" i told im after 30 minutes of talking to him that would be a merciful release and to come on down please.
posted by Hack Saw at 9:46 AM- Discuss this post-

The Freak – This type will probably consist of over half of the call center. He loves Star Trek. Stays after work and plays card games with other freaks all hours of the night. Never actually solves a customers’ problem but finds a way to make them think that the problem is solved.

The Weirdo – Will find reasons not to take phone calls such as maintaining the company newsletter or knowledgebase. Probably stalks small children. Will laugh at his own jokes even when nobody else thinks they are funny.

The Smart Ass – He will act like he is the smartest computer genius on the planet and successfully has convinced the boss that he is. He claims to find “known issues” with certain computer products. When you ask him a question, he will constantly point out that the information you need is in the online knowledgebase.

The Boss – Doesn’t know anything about computers. Somehow ended up being higher on the chain than people that have several certifications. Has little or no college education. Makes more money than you. PRICK!

The Female – Probably the only one that actually cares about the customers. Will take time finding the fix, but will eventually find it. She flirts with everybody. Looks good, and dates the smart ass.

The Manly Female – Cares about the customers. Knows more than you about computers. Has several hundred certifications. Doesn’t care for anybody in the call center. Will sit in the corner, do her job and never get promoted. Wants to date The Female.

The Asian Guy – Knows everything about computers. Speaks poor English. Customers end up calling back and talking to you because they didn’t understand him.

posted by Hack Saw at 6:36 PM- Discuss this post-

Regular (as it were) Prices for Technical Support/System Administration

Calling me with a question: $10
Calling me with a stupid question: $20
Calling me with a stupid question you can't quite articulate: $30
Implying I'm incompetent because I can't interpret your inarticulate problem description: $1000 + punitive damages
Questions received via phone without first trying Help Desk: $10
Questions where answer is in TFM: $10
Questions during Xpilot session: $20
Calling me back with the same problem *after* I fix it once: $100
Insisting that you're not breaking the software, the problem is on my end somehow: $200
Asking me to walk over to your building to fix the problem: $5/step
Asking me to drive to another town to fix your problem: $50/mile + gas
If you interrupt me while I was reading news: $25/hour
If you interrupt me while I was trying to count all the xroaches on my screen: $35/hour
If you interrupt me while I was trying to actually fix somebody else's problem: $45/hour
If you try to hang around and get me to fix it now: $50/hour
If you expect me to tell you how I fixed it: $60/hour
posted by Hack Saw at 6:13 PM- Discuss this post-