The world is full of stupid people....

What happens when you take an Texan biker, and put him behind a tech support number?

You get tales of idiocy, or course...

this week was HELL...as usual a bigass storm DEVASTATED the network in tampa..if you live there for gods sake DONT GET A CABLE ISP...it was so bad the local guys said DONT EVEN TRANSFER CALLERS TO US FOR PASSWORDS....so irate customers who needed their email passwords..err the tiny few who could get online..called us and begged for them..and we get to tell them "We dont have your passwords and you CANT GET THEM for a week or 2 sorry" ontop of that 70% of the 100,000+ customers on the system simply could not get online...people called in a panic "wahh i cant connect im losing 10,000$ a day on stock trading!! what are you going to do about that?" listen bitches if you got that much stock get a backup isp ya idiot..oh and by the way do you have a business accnt? several major companys use the system and they have very expensive business accnts with static ips and networked pcs..and they couldnt get on either...lol and we couldn't even transfer them to have their shit repaired cause the repair dept at local affilaite was at utter meltdown stage with 500 calls in que nonstop for 5 days. Lightning ran in and FRIED 1000s of modems and nics...local time warner offices had lines out the door of people bringing in modems to swap out.One guy tells me "i cant get online..and is the modem supposed to smoke?"
hey buddy..if electronic shit begins to smoke A: its safe to say its not working properly and B: UNPLUG IT NOW YA FUCKING MORON. "Oh its not lightening i have surge protector" listen einstien i bet you dont know your cable line has a LOOOOONG copper wire running thru it and i bet you dont have a surge protector on the cable line. And outrage grew as customers discovered we only warrenty the nic for 1 month..after that yer on yer own...oh we will come fix it..and charge you maybe 100$ for an illiterate hispanic contract worker to come slap in a $11.50 realtek nic..thats good for another month heh. I never cease to be AMAZED and how STUPID people are...in one day i got 50 calls saying "i cant get online..your service is not working...and oh all the lights on the cable modem are out too" shit if your tv would not turn on..or the light in your refrigerator wont light up what conclusion would you have? lets do some basic detective work...do you have electricty and is it working? if so..lets make a real mental LEAP and guess that your equipment is TOAST BECAUSE YOU HAD A DIRECTLIGHTNING HIT ON YOUR HOUSE YOU IMBECILE. the only good call i had for 4 straight HELLISH DAYS from tampa was as follows "when i turn my computer on it says operating system not found" what does that mean?"
posted by Hack Saw at 9:54 AM- Discuss this post-

now my idiot company has woken up and smelled the bacon...and is hiring like mad and filling classes with hopeless future techs..they brought out several the other day to sit with us and double-jack (listen to our calls) "here you sit with hacksaw hes one of the best we have maybe he can teach you how its done" so the nervous new guy asks me for tips...i tell em RUN NOW WHILE YOU STILL CAN AND DON"T LOOK BACK
when they bring out new guys to show em our area all us "veterans" hassle them relentlessly...crys of 'FRESH MEAT!!" ring out and a bud of mine waves a custom made bottle of Texas Pete at them...its labeled "NEWBIE SAUCE" everyone does the "prarie dog" thing..heads pop up in cubes all over to see the new victims as they arrive for their sentance in hell. one fool surfed to porn sites on the FIRST DAY on the floor..he was canned about 20 min afterwards..jeez you would think he could wait to get home to see porno wouldn't ya. i surf like a maddog all day to keep from going insane..as the terrified customer..who has never SEEN the network settings..is sweating like a doctor in the emergency room doin a heart transplant tryin to remove his tcip...im readin slashdot, playing lotto,icqing, and sending email to friends all at once. after doing this for so long its all memorized and i know so well what the customer is doing some ask me "oh you can see my screen cant you" yes i see your screen sir and you have porn and gay sites bookmarked you should be ashamed. we dont see shit..but some are sure we do
posted by Hack Saw at 10:10 AM- Discuss this post-

you know...some people are just desperate for computer help...i get calls from people who cant boot their pc..like thats OUR fault? one lady had a gateway 166mhz..we are talkin a 7 year old pc...and had never even scandisked or defragged it. she emailed my supervisor and gave me a good review cause i "made it like new and saved her from buyin a new one" dozens ask for my home phone and offer ridiculous ammounts of money for help formatting..or setting up simple home networks..givin it to them is a major no-no as big brother is listening to almost every call i get. after a while you can hear the monitoring software kick in ..has a slight echoey sound as my call is being recorded..needless to say im polite and businesslike when i hear that...and when i dont im a bitch to some callers...i got brutal with an old man who took 10 minutes to find the fuckin control panel "you dont have to talk down to me i know a lot of things sonny" well you dont know shit about a pc buddy cause you are reduced to callin my worthless ass so shaddup and get the fuck with the program we havent got all week sir. when you call you are GOING OUT THE DOOR...if i can fix your problem great..if not you are still goin out the door..we are the McDonalds of tech support..heres your burger sir now go the hell on and annoy AOL support. I got a VAST list of other numbers..most i collected myself...to ditch customers.."ohh i know just whats the matter, call this number and they can help you" and tons of websites to send people to...its easier than actually helping anyone and we are graded on how fast we get RID of you anyway. "what? a bad nic driver? call netgear-microsoft-dell-gateway...whatever just dont call me.
posted by Hack Saw at 9:53 AM- Discuss this post-

http://www.chron.com/cs/CDA/story.hts/storm2001/944631

posted by Hack Saw at 12:35 AM- Discuss this post-

so now my dumbass comapny has fired almost everyone..cause call volume was low...suprise ya bitches it aint low now...tripled in one week...nowhere NEAR enough agents on the floor to take all the calls...they BEG me to work overtime..adios ya ho's its quittin time and nothin short of guns and pit bulls chewin my nads is gonna make me work over at that hellpit...customers are in hold for up to 2 hrs in some cases just to verify email passwords and they are MAD. thats what management morons get for "scaling back to cut expenses".....today me and 20 other guys were doin support for 22 ENTIRE STATES...it was so bad that people overflowed the ques and even tho some waited hrs for a tech...others got msg "all techs are busy now plz call back later" some were offline for 2 weeks before they could even call in to REPORT it. still getting calls from houston where ppl are drying out from the worst flooding this CENTURY down that way...one guy got in a friggin canoe...paddled 6 miles...to working phone..to call and bitch to me about his GODDAMN BAD PING TIMES in some moronic online game!! must i bitchslap all these people manually and remind them they are in a fucking natural disaster of historic magnitude and that "their online services might be interrupted"
posted by Hack Saw at 12:28 AM- Discuss this post-

here ia a parable of modern times...we do houston now....if you watch the news you can see it flooded there last week..like 3 feet of rain..people were in canoes goin up and down their streets...water so deep national guards amphibious vehicles flooded out and they couldnt get evacuees out..th entire downtown section under up to 8 feet of water....so early that day the calls begin to come in..."i cant get my email" this fucking moron is STANDING IN WATER 9 INCHES DEEP IN HIS OWN LIVING ROOM...and is ON HIS GODDAMN PC wanting email!!! "the mayor was on tv and told everyone to stay home today because of the water so i need to get online" hey ya dumbass 1. the system is DOWN...its flooded all servers...2. i cant even transfer you to repair..they are off because the office and installation dept is under 3 feet of water 3. ummm are you fucking with electrical devices while standing in ankle deep water? this was ONE of dozens of similar calls i got that day and for 2 days after. when your house is flooded you might wanna pack up the pc and move to high ground sir cause you aint gonna be online today (he was mad too we are no doubt omnipotent gods and shouldnt let a little thing like a NATURAL DISASTER effect our service
posted by Hack Saw at 10:22 AM- Discuss this post-

geez...now that they "downsized" our dept its BUSY all the time...bigass storm ripped Tampa a new asshole yesterday...and amid the devastation and wrecked homes...all people could think about was 'IM NOT ONLINE AIEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!" one guy called and had direct hit by lightening..and was mad he couldnt get online..lol like we can keep your nic from bein FRIED by a direct hit? shit i would be glad my pc still booted much less FREAKING OUT that i could not get online. Thousands were out and flooded the local isps lines and many more thousands called us pissed off. i gotta change contracts..saw the guys in Dell goofin off playin UT all day as i sweated with old ladys in tampa that couldent get email and were furious
posted by Hack Saw at 12:46 PM- Discuss this post-

Choose life.Choose no career.Choose no family.
Choose a fucking big computer,choose disk arrays
the size of washing machines, modem racks,CD-ROM
writers, and electrical coffee makers.Choose no sleep,
High caffeine and mental insurance. Choose no friends.
Choose black jean and matching combat boots.Choose
chairs for your office in arange of fucking fabrics.
Choose SMTP and wondering why the fuck you are
logged on on a Sunday morning.Choose sitting in that
swivel chair looking at mind numbing, spirit crushing
websites, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth.
cting away at the end of it all,pishing
your last in osme newsgroup, nothing more
than an embarassment to the selfish, fucked up
loosers Gates spawned to replace the computer literate

CHOOSE YOUR FUTURE
CHOOSE SYSADMIN
posted on my teachers cube wall
posted by Hack Saw at 11:53 PM- Discuss this post-

the thinning of the herd continues...i see ppl gettin canned left and right...40 from my contract alone got layed off...as i predicted so many are gone the remainder cant handle all the calls and customers are back in waiting for a looong time..which pisses them off and makes them hard to deal with...one alzhimer-ridden old bitch waited an hour in hold because she couldnt get online...well duh they canceled your service and picked up the fuggin modem what the hell do you think you are gettin online WITH ya dumbass...lol i didnt know we serviced nursing homes. mr network admin calls to 'report a problem with a router ..on our network....now what the fuck do you exect my peon minimum wage ass to do about that mr admin..take your prozac and call us back next week. we are now doing Maine and i have to talk to people with accents even more incomprehensible than mine..damn yankee scum learn english for gods sake...the local techs in maine are pretty hopeless...they send me calls to setup email because they are not trained in win2k...idiots! Outlook Express is the same in any friggin os cept mac ya lazy bastards. morale is at an alltime low and many are leaving to do real work rather than wait for the axe...sad part is most get better pay painting or doin office work than we do.
posted by Hack Saw at 9:34 AM- Discuss this post-