What is your favorite colour?
Red.
Boxers or Briefs?
Depends on the weather and whether or not I'm gettin' some that day.
Cold Weather - briefs. Keeps me spermies warm.
Warm Weather - free-fallin', swayin', happy-day boxers.
Gettin' Some - Boxers come off 3X as fast as briefs, however, briefs are more sexy.
Thus, when time is a factor, boxers.
When looking good is a factor, briefs.
Ever broken the law? How?
Oh man... Minor public harassement/disturbance, shoplifting [Hey! I NEEDED candy!]...
when you live in a town where a) you know all the cops by name or where b) your neighbour is a cop... you're kinda stuck.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Short Term: A mild-mannered university professor by day, superhero by night.
Long Term: President and CEO, Stuffclub, Inc.
Turn ons?
Red, red, red, red, red, red! OH MAN, RED!
Intelligence and small-c conservatism! -> They are the BEST fucks!
...someone who laughs WITH me...
Turn offs?
Smoking! ACK! AGH! ARGH! [GASP] [CHOKE]... GULP, [KACK]...[COUGH, COUGH] BLAH!
Long term fatty-acid acid build-up due to lethargic existence. Bitchiness!
...talking. It's so unnecessary.
What foods do you put ketchup on?
The regular stuff.
One thing is for certain. I do NOT put ketchup on sausages. If YOU put ketchup on your sausages, you should be taken to the town square and be hung, drawn and quartered.
If you're male, you should have ketchup placed on YOUR sausage and have it eaten out by the most vile, disgusting creature on the face of the planet [kind-of Clockwork Orangey, eh?]...
If you're a women, I dunno... but DON'T PUT KETCHUP ON YOUR SAUSAGE! It is a VILE defamation of the sausage to do so. By lathering your thick piece of meat in ketchup you are degrading and demeaning the sausage beyond any acceptable and humane level. By slapping your meat with that red, guey wonderness, you are ripping at the fabric of society... what you are is a DEVIANT. You are the UNDERCLASS of society, the vice of societal development. Your actions are in fact, preventing society from evolving into a peaceful, caring group of people. ***
If you put ketchup on your sausage...DIE!
Where's the weirdest place you've ever woken up?
Post-Op in a hospital... 'How the fuck did I get here? Who are these people and why can't I move my head?'
How old were you when you first got drunk?
Holy shit, man! Must have been drinkin' rum with my grandparents when I was 12.
Favorite Breakfast food?
The greasiest breakfast you can find... There's nothing quite like it.
On the day I die, I want a big, greasy breakfast... Two eggs, scrambled, two pieces of toast, hashbrowns, bacon, sausage, coffee [1 cream, 1 sugar], french toast and orange juice.
Most embarrasing moment?
...er...Fortunately because of sex-ed in school, I never had to ask, 'Which hole does it go in'... so... er...
Probably peeing myself in seconda-I mean primary school...[gulp]... No, really, primary... NO REALLY! FUCK YOU! I MEANT PRIMARY! Are you lookin' at me!?!???
GO AWAY!
Weirdest sandwich combo that "really does taste good!"?
Boloney and ketchup. Looks disgusting, but isn't that bad. Bananas and peanut butter 'mousemeat': looks like puke, but tastes ok.
What is something that you do in private, that you would never do in public?
What's one thing that you know, that no-one else knows?
If I were to tell YOU, then I would know NOTHING that no one else knows. So GO AWAY! But generally, I know what the future will be like... Like the next lotto #'s!
How much money would it take for you to lend your significant other for the evening?
A case of beer and a porno movie.
Beer = $34.50 CDN or $20.00 US. Porno = $6.00 CDN or $4.50 US [for a really good one]...
SO = Night with Significant Other
NA = Night Alone
B = Beer
P = Porno
SO >= NA, when NA = B + P
NA = B + P NA = $34.50 + $6.00
NA = $40.50 CDN
SO >= $40.50 CDN
Thus... I would lend my significant other for the evening for a grand total of $40.50 CDN or $24.30 US.
How much money would it take for you to dance naked on stage?
Hmm... Alcohol Consumption is inversely related to Amount of Money Required to Get Me to Dance on Stage Naked.
The pattern is as such:
| 0 beer = $4000.00 | 1 beer = 2000.00 | 2 beers = 1000.00 | 3 beers = 500.00 |
| 4 beers = 250.00 | 5 beers = 125.00 | 6 beers = 62.50 | 7 beers = 31.25 |
| 8 beers = 15.62 | 9 beers = 7.81 | 10 beers = 3.91 |
11 beers = 1.96
|
12 beers = .98
Thus... on an average night out, I will dance on stage naked for less than a dollar.
How much money would it take to get you to tatoo your privates?
Sorry... the only tatoo I wanna have on my penis are the last set of lips.
Which would you rather be, a smartass or a dumbass, and why?
A dumbass.
From what I can tell, from some fucked-up twist of fate, they survive and become the heads of major corporations and governments.
What's your weirdest hobby?
What colour is "wrong"?
Wrong, to me... is brown...
When you are wrong... you are brown. The shit you spew stems from your brownness.
Your eyes turn brown and I know... you are wrong, as you are full...of shit.
What colour is "orgasm"?
Mmm... Orgasm... [excuse me for a minute]...
..
.
..
.Ya, that's be- Oh hey... Uh... yeah... orgasm!
Erm... It's either one of the two extremes... It's either a psychadelic mixture of colours [sorry, not just one prominent colour]... OR it's nothing, because I can't see anything.
What's your earliest memory?
Two years old, sitting with my big blue teddy bear against a wall when my parents wanted to take a picture of me.
If you got to choose how you died, how would you go, and why?
Well... I've already mentioned breakfast... so I guess I'd want to die in the midst of the most powerful orgasm, directly following or while eating my super-greasy breakfast.
Sick of this silly questionaire yet?
'No stress'.
Last Question... What's the one thing that you've always wanted to ask someone, and have never felt able to?
Argh...Ack...[gulp]... Have you heard of this underground group... ACK... called...[GASP] Fight Club?
